Margot Grados-Ramos, Germany Artist and consultant in life-sciences RESPECT WITHIN THE FAMILY – PEACE IN THE WORLD About the culture of living together in the small “state” called family and the new esteem for children as carriers of the future Peace is a desire of all nations and a necessity for the world community, as the conflicts are getting bigger and bigger, the weapons more and more sneaky and the call for sanity becomes stronger and stronger. Along the efforts for a better world many causes of strife politically and religiously are discussed: such as injustice, greed, the gap between poor and rich, the abuse of power, exploitation, dogmas, hostility, distrust etc. Laws are inacted, commands and bans are expressed. More success through more transparency and control is the goal. Things shall be regulated “from above”, what people “from below” don’t seem to be able to manage.
But already since decades, since the development of psychology, one speaks, especially in the western countries, about the role of family life, until now underestimated, for the healthy emotional development of children and adolescents. If the family, as the origin and basis of the society, is healthy and stable enough, to let grow up healthy and stable children, then the nation becomes healthy.
First of all the little being learns everything within his family: through everything which is experienced through body and soul, and through imitation. If the child feels beloved, so it learns to love. If it feels welcome, protected and accepted, so it learns confidence. If it feels nurtured and sheltered, so it learns the joy of life. If it experiences help, it becomes a helpful being. – But, if it feels beaten, it learns violence.
The great pioneer for “non violence communication”, Marshall Rosenberg, keeps repeating the most important role of cause and effect in education for the character building of the child and later citizen. He teaches us: “Violence creates violence, esteem creates esteem, responsibility creates responsibility.”
Psychological scientists like Arthur Janov, Alice Miller, C.G. Jung, Erich Fromm and many others always emphasized, how much a human being lives in restraint circles, as long as he does not reflectingly get conscious about his family background and past and thereby feels, where he, as a grown up, unconsciously searches for combatants, fighting battles, which he couldn’t win as a child, because he was too weak: battles for attention, for respect, for justice, for security, for his space and his rights.
And not only this: he will not only fight with the world to fulfill his needs, to receive his rights and to finally be respected. He will not only behave like the misunderstood, unwelcome or abused child. He will also – mostly unconsciously – behave like his parents and his related people from the past, and will pass on what was done to him before.
So much greed, egotism and irresponsibility are bemoaned in this world. But where do they come from? One searches the causes in the unjust diversification of money and power. But where does this come from? Now political interests, national interests, theories of conspiracy are announced. But how do these arise?
All governments, societies, enterprises consist of people. All these people once have been little, helpless beings, totally dependent and reliant on those, who were responsible for them. Since Stanislav Grof and his prenatal research it is known that already in the womb of his mother a feeling, sensitive being grows up, and that already this kind of pre-birth experience is very determining for later life. And even Sigmund Freud already knew, how formative the first years in life are and what impact they have on the emergence of war or peace, health or illness, improvement or standstill in the world.
In some societies the role of parents as gender-specific idols for their boys and girls is already indisputable nowadays. Children need orientation. If they find this in their parents as personalities who really like to be man or woman, father or mother, who exemplify fulfilment, joyful responsibility and a creative life and who are human beings who one loves to be alike, the growing adolescents will not search for false idols. They will strive for genuine values, have ideals, wanting to develop and express themselves, become creative.
If they are brought up without fear and abuse of power, they will not create enemies in their mind, who they want to shoot later, to whom they resent success and abundance or refuse equal rights. They will develop personal courage instead and will be able to stand up for themselves and others, without needing tools of violence.
The new parents are guiding, protecting and respectful friends without any false authority, without actions of violence, parents, who are on a par with their children, who know about their precious being and their vulnerability, but who nevertheless are able to set boundaries, and demonstrate responsibility and fairness through their own behaviour, as much as everything else, which adults, politicians, teachers etc. demand from adolescents – without having developed these characteristics themselves.
A child who has been treated responsibly will later on treat nature just the same way, feeling empathy for the creation and the human beings, refusing exploitation, contempt and mismanagement.
The new trend of an enlightened class of population moves towards holistic education aiming at an ethical development of character and social competence, in contrast to the usual education which – up to now resulted in the just functioning labourer personality.
More understanding and more estimation for the children as carriers of the future are an important key for a more peaceful world. But to manage this, the – mostly young – parents need more public protection und support, since otherwise a more ideal and relaxed education is not possible. But this is necessary not only to bring up healthy tax- and pension payers, but also peaceful and creative citizens for their country and the world. Parents need more time for their children. They should not need more baby support places right after birth, but more social and financial acceptance for their educational effort, which is of great value for a better world.
The ancient native American wisdom has many rules and advices, just like our cultures, religions and already teachings by Confucius. But there are only two laws, which are:
1. The woman is sacred – as everything is born out of her.This is also true for “Mother Earth”.
2. Nothing shall happen, which harms the children – as they are the carriers of the future.
Psychology of development and education as a new subject for adolescents in schools would be a further possibility, to prepare young people for their responsibility as parents, to show them the fundamental needs and growth stages of children and to give them an understanding of the relation between the experiences in childhood and the behaviour of adults.
Without respect in family life there will be no peace in the world. Young people will learn this truth about cause and effect more easily than many of the older generation, who had experienced the strength and cruelty of past generations and who surely had wished for themselves a more fulfilled and peaceful life, and only seldom achieved this.
The German psychiatrist for children, Prof. Dr. med. G. Moll from Erlangen, emphasizes, how much a child’s brain learns through experience. Everything which is experienced and observed, forms and shapes its character.
Therefore, don’t we have to treat all children more carefully?